The Doctor in Distress in a Town Called ?
by Rointheta
Summary: The Doctor takes Rose to a little town called ? to buy her an umbrella, but ends up in a precarious situation.


**First Time Ficlet Prompt**_ - "Nine x Rose, first time?"__**  
**_**Prompt giver:** toxic-nebulae  
**A/N:** This is crack, of sorts. Since this is a "first time" meme—any kind of first time, be it shagging or changing a light bulb—and the prompt wasn't specific, my brain went elsewhere. I ofc know what the prompt giver meant, but this happened instead. So sorry.  
unbeta'd

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**THE DOCTOR IN DISTRESS IN A TOWN CALLED ?**

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"?."

"I'm sorry. What?"

"That's the name of this town: ?."

Rose shook her head, brow furrowed in confusion. "Huh?"

"?!" The Doctor folded his arms over his chest. "Now you try it."

Her mouth flapped a few times, nothing but puffs of air coming out. "How am I supposed to pronounce that?"

"Just try it."

She scrunched up her whole face, holding her breath as she focussed, releasing it in a _'blugh'_.

He chuckled, shoulders moving up and down. "Not even close. C'mon, then, Rose Tyler. We have a shop to visit."

"What are we looking for?"

"An umbrella. I'm taking you to another rain planet tomorrow, so it's about time you had your own."

"But I like yours. It has that cute, red question mark handle."

"Mhm," he said, nodding and holding the door open to a large, dome-shaped building.

Rose stepped over the threshold and her jaw dropped as she saw the peculiar merchandise covering every surface of the place.

"Hey, lady! No shouting needed!" a small, apron-clad woman said, leaning behind a counter. "I appreciate your enthusiasm greatly, but we all know the name of our town, you know?"

"Did I say it?" Rose turned to the Doctor, mock-glaring at him as she found him covering his ears with his hands.

He nodded, eyebrows raised, big grin on his face. "Yep. Loud and clear. Go on. Try again."

She closed and opened her eyes, prepared to be shocked by the sight before her, but this time it didn't have the same effect. So, she acted surprised instead and a half-hearted noise found its way out of her throat.

The Doctor snorted and shook his head at her. "Pitiful."

"Oi!"

"You're trying too hard, Rose. You should just let it come to you."

"Just let it…" She sighed. "Never mind, then. Let's look at umbrellas."

"Umbrellas you say?" the woman said, waving at them to follow her. "Right back here." Her eyes lingered at the Doctor for a moment. "Hey-hey-hey! It's the Doctor! Didn't recognise ya there. You've changed."

"Yep. Out with the old. In with the new."

The woman smiled. "That's your way. Are you trying on something today?"

"Yeah, suppose I need a thing or two."

She held out her hand. "You know the drill. No sonic." He rolled his eyes and gave her his beloved tool. "Oh, I know you'd never steal, but policy is policy. Even for you, old pal." She looked at Rose as she slid the sonic into the pocket on her apron. "Can remove the security tag in a jiffy with one of those, you see."

"Oh. I'm Rose, by the way."

"Hello, Rose! I'm Frågarella, but my friends call me Rella. And my friends' friends… Well, they call me Rella, too!"

"Okay, Rella." Rose smiled. "Is this your shop?"

"Sure is! The best gift shop in all of ?, according to our travel guide."

"It's also the _only_ gift shop," the Doctor said.

"Man, why you have to be like that? I was trying to impress your lady friend."

"Well, I _am_ impressed!" Rose's eyes flitted over the many rows and shelves full of clothing, porcelain cups, bed linen, candle holders, window shades for cars, artwork, throw pillows, and a plethora of other goods–all adorned with the punctuation mark she had such trouble pronouncing. "It's…a lovely shop. And… Oh, Doctor, look at this!" She pulled out a yellow pullover with blue chevron stripes and red question marks. "Don't you have one of these in the wardrobe room?"

"Yes. I used to, er, wear it."

Rose gawked at him, blinking a few times.

He grinned. "Now you're getting it!"

"What? I said it again?"

"Yeah."

"What the…!" She pouted. "Anyway," she said, holding the pullover up in front of him. "Wow, your style's really improved, yeah? This isn't sexy at all."

His grin turned smug. "So I'm sexy, now, then?"

She froze, then covered it up with a shrug. "If nine hundred year old aliens rock your socks, then, yeah. Suppose you are."

Rella winked at Rose. "I'm gonna go back to the counter, okay? Just come by when you got what you came for."

"Yeah, thanks."

"Hm…" The Doctor grabbed a few bundles of clothes from one of the shelves. "I'm gonna try these on. Go pick out an umbrella. They're right there," he said, pointing at a rack a few meters ahead.

"Are those…jimjams?"

"Yeah. Not slept in this bo–" He cleared his throat. "I need a pair. I'll be in there." He nodded at a dressing room behind them.

Rose only needed a few seconds before she found the perfect umbrella: white with bright pink question marks, and a pink question mark handle. Twirling it in her hand, she walked over to the dressing room and tapped it against the door.

"Gonna be in there long, Doctor?"

"'Fraid so. More hasta, less vista," he said, voice a bit strained.

"What?"

He grunted. "Just… Go to Rella and have her ring that up."

"D'you need help?" she asked, cocking her ear as she heard a whimper.

"No. Go on, then."

She grinned to herself. "Your bits didn't get caught in–"

"No! No, no, no." He gave out a loud sigh. "Rose, be a good girl and fetch me the sonic."

"Oh, my god. Are you serious? _Did_ your bits get caught?"

"Rose."

"Does it hurt?"

"Rose!"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll go get your sonic." She scurried away and explained the situation to Rella, who handed over the sonic screwdriver with a delighted chuckle. "'Kay, Doctor. I'm back. What do you need me to do?"

It took him a few seconds to reply. "I think I made it worse."

"Oh…"

"My fingers, and the… I– You can come in, but if you _ever_ tell Rickey or your mum about this–"

"I won't." Rose took a steeling breath and opened the door, gasping as she got an eyeful of the Doctor's fingers and _definitely_ alien bits caught in a complicated zip. "?"

"There you go!" Rella hollered. "Even sounded like a local."

"Yeah! I said it this time, didn't I?" Rose beamed. "?! I did it again! ? ? ? ?."

"Rose. I'm happy for you. Really," he said, jaw clenched and ears burning red. "But. Would it hurt you to help?"

"Oh, right. Sorry. Setting?"

"99b."

"Right." She set the sonic and aimed it at his crotch. "Why do the jimjams have a zip?"

"Because… Time Lord reasons," he said through gritted teeth. "Focus!"

"Yeah, yeah. This happened before, then?"

The Doctor scowled at her. "No."

"Then why d'you have a setting for it? It's happened before, right?"

"Every time!" Rella shouted. "Why do you think I made Mr. Sexy hand over the sonic?"

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_the end_


End file.
